cassidybellmor: knock knock (who’s there) to (to who) to whom
Why do all the Plan B commercials feature couples?
Everyone knows Plan B is for the people you fucked while blacked out and never spoke to again. 3 time user!
Barista: Iced soy latte, decaf.
Me: I didn't order decaf.
Barista: You didn't?
Barista: Um. Oh, it's not decaf. I only said it because --
Me: I swear to god if I'm not awake in 30 minutes, I'm going to break your fucking face tonight.
Barista: I hope you know I pack a chainsaw.
Fresh flowers on the table and succulents in the...